1.  Everyone is basically a liar, because you can’t possibly tell everyone the truth about everything - we’d never get anything done.  That being said:

2.  There are the people that, by default, prefer you to know what they’re thinking, and there are the people who, by default, prefer you not to know.  Nobody’s good and nobody’s bad but it’s safer to keep to your half of the world.

3.  To complicate things, there are people that think “Good Will Hunting” is a good movie, and there are people that cringe while watching it.  There are honest people and dishonest people on both sides.  And if you are an honest person that hated Good Will Hunting, you need to minimize your contact with dishonest people that loved it, and I don’t even want to get into why this gets nearly impossible to accomplish.  Let’s just say that there has never been an easier lie to tell than “I hated Good Will Hunting,” and there has never been a lie more incentivized than “I thought it was fine.”

4.  There’s no such thing as love.  There’s infatuation, there’s obsession, there’s addiction, there’s ritualistic, compulsive repetition, there’s horniness, but there is no such thing as love.

5.  I hate being alone.  I hate waking up alone.  I hate waking up with strangers.  I hate my empty rented house on my dangerous winding street full of rednecks that can’t wait for an earthquake to kill me because I had a party once.  I hate not having feelings.  I hate having too many.  I hate not being able to express them, I hate the way I express them, I hate people’s reactions to my expression of them.  I hate people trying to cheer me up, I hate people casting me adrift, I hate being alone.

6.  I hated being in a relationship.  Every day in a relationship is a lie.

7.  I hate Good Will Hunting.  It’s a terrible film.  It’s a crime.  If you like it, I think you’re stupid.  Remember the “apples” scene?  Do you remember it?  Really think about that scene.  Are you smiling?  Then I hate you.  But thank you for being honest.  I would hate you more for lying.  Thank you for letting me hate you.

8.  I love you.

9.  I love my show.

——————————

Okay, Dan. You’ve switched from bullet points to numbers. At least they’re only single digits.

1. Tim: So what you’re saying is…everything is going to get done? WAHOO!

    Alisha: Everything is going to get done! Like projects and murders!

2. Tim: Well, I’m telling you what I’m thinking and you’re telling me what you’re thinking, so we must be on the same half! Cool! That other half is too quiet anyway. Wanna grab a burger? 

Alisha: Tim, if Dan’s busy, I could grab a burger with you. I’m basically unemployed.

3. Tim: I don’t even like apples. They get stuck on my teeth. #sameside

Alisha: I’ve never seen Good Will Hunting, but I have seen Good Will Smith Movies. I know! Redundant! They’re all good. 

4. Tim: So everybody lies and some people are honest and speak their mind and some people are dishonest and don’t. So when honest people speak their mind they are lying and when dishonest people don’t speak their minds they are withholding a lie. SO you’re speaking your mind and thus lying. Therefore Love does exist?

Alisha: Tag line for LOST?

5. Tim: So you like being somewhere in the middle? And how are you alone if you throw parties so wild that you anger red-necks and cause them to wish natural disasters upon you? Sounds like a happenin’ place to be. A place you could have a burger at.

Alisha: I hate how passive red-necks are. If you want something dead, do it yourself. And Tim, I said, I’d get a burger with you. Don’t press the guy. 

6. Tim: “Every day…is a lie” and “Everyone lies” so at least we know the truth. And that truth is cookies are awesome!

Alisha: If someone would date me, I bet I’d hate it too. Thank God I eat so many Doritos that I will never have to deal with that.

7. Tim: It’s not your fault…It’s not your fault. (It’s Ben Affleck’s)

Alisha: Methinks the lady doth protest too much… 

8. Tim: Okay, but it was only a burger…

Alisha: Awesome! You’re okay with the Doritos thing? 

9. Tim: Who doesn’t? #sameside

Alisha: Your show is one of the best things to ever happen to me. 

So it looks like he might be making progress. That or he’s just temporarily being side-tracked by our silly distractions.

I bet he never wants to eat a burger again.